Ack, I can’t take it anymore. Why do 70% of the Shiznat authors emphasize those stupid character quirks so much? It’s beyond annoying now. Unique eccentricities for each character are not to be abused. They exist as interim personality traits that give each individual some distinctiveness during the course of a series. They do not exist so people can throw in random humor while striving to hide the fact that they lack the ability to tell a good story.

 YES! We all know Natsuki loves mayonnaise, but it is not the only condiment in existence. Maybe she only likes it with ramen, or maybe she needs something to cover up what she considers atrocious flavors. Just stop emphasizing it so much for pete’s sake. She isn’t mayo girl. She has other personality traits. For instance, she has a strong sense of duty. Despite being rough, she is rather shy when it comes to sexuality. Sadly many authors plug her into the “male” role in the relationship where she is sexually aggressive, where the opposite is actually more fitting. Well, maybe she’s more aggressive in bed, but for everything before that she acts like a tsundere character.

 Also, why is it that everyone automatically just throws Natsuki into the “I’m totally a man-hating lesbian” role? I once read a fanfic (which I can no longer remember) where Natsuki questions Shizuru’s sexuality. In turn, Shizuru also asked her the same question. Where Natsuki so kindly responded, “I just like you.” This was probably the best explanation of her sexuality possible. Until Shizuru, she simply never thought about it before. Her continual rejection of Takeda was due to her personal belief that she did not have time to care about such meaningless things like love. I think that if she had never become a hime, Natsuki would likely have pursued a socially normal relationship.

Shizuru’s vocabulary does expand beyond the word “Ara”. I once mentioned in a fanfic review that her individual willpower often brushed off to place her into a more feminine role. When confronted with an obstacle, Shizuru isn’t the type to give up or lay down quietly. In the anime she managed to destroy half the school after Natsuki’s initial rejection. While emotionally unstable, Shizuru is persistent and very stubborn. If faced with impossible circumstances, Shizuru is the type to withdraw, plan and strike at the right time.

Another issue I’ve had lately is the recent string of arranged marriage stories. Who the fuck would arrange their daughter with another girl? That is by far one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. If this were a perfect world, then gender wouldn't exist at all and everything would be equal, but it isn’t a perfect world, and as far as I know, science hasn’t found a way for two women to reproduce with each other. Think logically, parents arrange marriages for their children in hopes that the partner will take care of their child and (mainly) produce heirs.

If it were a perfect world, I’d have a job, no money problems, and real writing talent instead of housework, debt and that miserable imitation of what should be short stories.

Stop escaping from reality. Actually, some escape is acceptable, just don’t wander off into Neverland and expect us to take you seriously.

When you do escape from reality, at least write it so

I’ve forgotten what else I want to say.

Until next time,

Dragontiger96

Alas I have yet another review for everyone once more.

 Note: I don't do this to put down authors or their work. I do it, because I'm bored and I feel it’s therapeutic to have some humor in life.

Title: A New Beggining

Author: archer75

 Given Summary: Shizuru has given up everything for her, this time it's her turn. Is Natsuki ready to give up everything for the sake of her love? ShizNat...Rated T for safety

 Initial thoughts: Misspelled “Beginning” in the title. I avoided this story for quite some time primarily because of that. Still, the summary is rather good. I’m drawn in right away with its question, “Will Natsuki give up everything for Shizuru?” At the same time I wonder who the antagonist will be.

Chapter 1

From the beginning we can tell the new enemy will be Shizuru’s father. I don’t get it, why is it always the dad who’s the bad guy. I mean, these authors have some serious daddy issues. On the other hand, the father figure is a representation of the patriarchal society such that when we rebel against him, we also rebel against society in general. Of course, being part of the Mai Hime Shiznat fandom involves a hatred of this patriarchal rule that we are all subject to, especially the Judeo-Christian tradition where homosexuality is viewed as an unnatural crime against humanity. If I recall correctly, in many traditional Asian cultures, homosexuality wasn’t a problem as long as the person had legitimate children (or heirs).

Damn it, I’m wandering. Moving on, the first part consists of Shizuru arguing with her father about Natsuki. Daddy forces her to choose between a life of luxury and Natsuki.

Choose…are you going to leave all of this just for that girl?” he calmly looked at her daughter. “All your life you were trained to handle our estate and your just going to give it all up for that good for nothing?”

Naturally Shizuru chooses Natsuki, because she is unhappy with her lifestyle thus far. Fuck, I want to be rich. I’d trade being gay for being rich. Oh damn, I’m not hot enough to be gay.

Anyway, grammatically, archer75 isn’t very bad. There are a few mistakes here and there that even I would likely make in my own work. Interesting choice to use “trained”. I’m overanalyzing, but “training” implies more of an authoritarian rule compared to “teaching” which implies parental guidance or a teacher/student relationship. 

But I was never happy.” She cut her father up “all those things you have given me never made me happy it was after I met her that I realized how empty my life was.”

I’m sorry, this sentence tickled me. Right now I’m imagining Shizuru holding a large, bloody butcher knife standing next to the dismembered body of her father while lamenting how unhappy she was with her life.

You ungrateful little-“ he lost it this time he can’t believe that his only daughter ,his only heir would turn her back on her for someone who doesn’t deserve her.

His words imply that he has no problem with her homosexuality, but just hates Natsuki. Perhaps there is something between the lines I’m not picking up.

Now, Shizuru’s father cuts off all her funding and vows to make her life miserable. What surprises me the most is his oath to actively harass his daughter. Ah well, some people are just that spiteful. I suppose a child is an eighteen year investment, so if they fuck up and make that work worthless, it becomes infuriating.

Four months later, Shizuru returns home without any job prospects. Apparently her father is powerful enough to sway anyone from hiring. The couple lives in a small apartment supported solely by Natsuki’s income as a mechanic.

*sigh* I’m sorry my Natsuki for making this hard for you” she took off her shoes and gently arranged her on bed. She took a quick shower and prepared their dinner.

I’m sorry, but this bugs me to no end. Never ever use “*sigh*” in a story. Sighing is an action that people perform. Please recall that this is a story posted on a website, not a chat window where people just make up crap on the fly. In that regard, things like, “lol”, “rofl”, “lmao” etc… should not appear unless one is actually portraying a chat window. Well, some people actually do talk like that now. I get confused, and find it absolutely unacceptable. What’s wrong with actually laughing instead? If anything, when someone actually says the acronym at the end of a joke, it means they didn’t find it funny because they’re not reacting with an uncontrollable laughter.

More romantic stuff follows. Ugh, gushy from the beginning. Yay, fluff! Boo, too quick to be tasteful fluff.

  “Hmmmm…has anybody ever tell you that you smell like the sun? Warm and sweet.” Her eyes still close.

 I’d think the sun would smell more like burning flesh, because if any of us move close enough our nose would be on fire. I jest, but seriously, the line was rather nice. Hey guys, if you ever want to pick up cute chicks in a bar, this is the line to use.

Natsuki deepened the kiss , thrusting her tongue inside her mouth, tasting every inch of it, it was a long hot kiss that had every part of her trembling for need. When it was over she nipped her lower lip. She catches her breath a little beat before she spoke “Now about dinner” she flash a smile.

My first reaction was, “Too much info!” which quickly became, “cock tease.”

A very large, but easily correctable problem keeps popping out at me here. Please stop switching between past and present tense. Also, don’t leave out the “ed” at the end of words (I really have no idea what specific grammar term is used for that. It has been 7 years since I’ve heard it). What I mean is that last sentence should read more like, “She [caught] her breath, [feeling] a little beat before she spoke, ‘Now about dinner’. She flash[ed] a smile.” The only time I can think of for mixing the tenses is if you truly mean something is happening in real time, like a trait that doesn’t change or something.

The couple argues about whether or not to eat dinner over having sex. Dinner wins (food>sex? o_O).

After dinner, they have sex, and then go to bed. Shizuru contemplates her life. Apparently her previous lifestyle took away her emotions and with Natsuki, she can truly become herself. Now with her true love, Shizuru believes everything will turn out alright.

What can I say? It’s mushy, unrealistic and very typical of a fantasy. Shizuru is literally running away from reality here. Is that true to her characterization? Perhaps it is a little. Shizuru’s reaction to Natsuki’s rejection was rather delusional and very desperate. Though, her reaction was extreme, violent and very authoritative. She did not hide away like some weakling just hoping for everything to be better through the sheer luck of finding a job. No, she went out, killed a bunch of people and totally leveled the school. In nearly every story I come across, she has no willpower of her own. Damn fandom, she needs to stop leveling in charisma and needs to redistribute more points into her willpower stats.

Midori appears and asks where Shizuru is going, to which Shizuru replies:

“Where there’s job…” she didn’t want to sound bitter but it just came out.

Alas, another one of my pet peeves, please don’t leave out “a” in the sentences. It has happened more than once; otherwise I would not have mentioned it.

Midori offer’s Shizuru a job and one of Shizuru’s parents calls Natsuki out.

Chapter 2

This is somewhat boring. The story isn’t bad, but not good enough to keep my attention (which is actually pretty hard to do).

It turns out Shizuru’s mom is the one who visited Natsuki at her workplace. They go out and talk over coffee. Mom questions Shizuru’s feelings, asserts her view of it as a mistake and forces Natsuki to think about her financial capability to the point where she may have to reconsider her relationship with Shizuru. The whole time Natsuki asserts the fact that the couple is truly in love and that is their only source of happiness.

There’s a huge sweat drop on my forehead that no one can see. Over my head is a gigantic thought bubble with three dots inside.

Natsuki returns home. Shizuru confesses that Midori hooked her up with a couple of jobs. Job A is grading papers and such. Job B is waitressing. For some reason, Natsuki overreacts to waitressing. I have no idea why, given that both only have high school educations, it’s pretty much the job to do without too much training required. Wait, I’m wrong, there is always strip dancing and prostitution for women. Yeah, save for trucking and construction, everything else involves training or connections. Even secretaries take typing classes. 

 “I know but you…your from a well off family being a waitress doesn’t suit you.”

Is that all? What a lame reason to dislike waitressing. 

That’s it; I can’t stand reading this anymore. Don’t misunderstand, the story is fine. I’m just tired and the plot has taken off in directions that I have little interest in.

Grammatically it’s 7 out of 10

Plot is 4 out of 10

 Oh, one last note Ms. Author. “dint” doesn’t mean what you think it means. There is no word that shortens the word “didn’t” so please stop doing that.

D.E.B.S is a movie about a lesbian couple. After seeing its popularity in various LGBT websites, I felt I had to watch it. I must say it is absolutely awful. I believe it is popular solely because it features a lesbian couple. Of course, I am referring to the 2004 film instead of the 2003 Sundance entry.

Summary:
D.E.B.S is about a group of girls who were recruited out of high school to become defenders of the United States. Think C.I.A as a sorority house. We are exposed to some fun stereotypes, the gun maniac, the slutty French girl and the dork. Finally our main character, who is your average, wannabe high school student, but in reality is stuck in a college full of girls, greets us with her pretty blond hair and oh-so-generic face (the French girl is so much hotter). Anyway, she is supposedly the girl who scored the highest on the secret D.E.B.S test, yet is doubtful of her future as a spy.

Our girl, known as Amy, is greeted and informed by the head of D.E.B.S that Lucy Diamond, criminal mastermind, has resurfaced in the world. Amy is apparently important, because she was writing a thesis on Lucy and is apparently the leading expert. It is pretty much like going up to a PhD student studying physics and labeling them as the foremost expert on Quantum Mechanics. The only difference is that Amy is an undergrad.

Anyway, it’s revealed that Lucy will be meeting an ex-KGB assassin, and the D.E.B.S go in to spy. They’re spying method is oh so brilliant. They hope there is a high roof clearance, hang off the top and listen with a mini-satellite dish. Yes, brilliant on so many levels that I’m at a loss for words. Now if only the real homeland security could do something equally effective. 

The meeting turns out to be a bad blind date. Amy and Lucy meet. Lucy charms Amy. They eventually go out on a date. They attempt to have sex, but the other D.E.B.S arrive to “save” Amy. She gets in trouble. Eventually Lucy tries to win Amy back by turning to good, while Amy struggles with her identity as a spy. She finds out that the D.E.B.S test was actually testing her ability to lie, thus making Amy the perfect liar. I don’t know about the rest of you, but she was the most awful liar I’ve ever seen. She is actually worse than me, and I’m pretty damn bad. At the end, Amy comes out to a crowd of D.E.B.S about her relationship with Lucy. They drive off into the sunset (or sunrise) together.

Thoughts:
It is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. It would not have been popular if it featured a straight couple. If Lucy’s character was a man then no one would care and write it off as an interesting, but lame comedy that should never be viewed. I understand that the point of the story was to feature a troubled girl and her romance with someone outside of social acceptance, but it does not excuse the fact that it was stupid. It was poorly written and should have been so much better. They already had a trial run at the Sundance Festival; take two needed to improve upon that, not present a hack storyline with no consideration for details.

There are a few interesting things that could be interpreted as symbols, and perhaps they are. Government agencies are portrayed as fraternities and all agents are young, impressionable students who simply follow orders. Still, I don’t think those are redeeming qualities.

 It’s not a good sign when people get so lost in the social commentary that they lose sight of quality. Just because it features a gay couple doesn’t make it good. It makes an interesting social statement, but it’s still a crappy movie.

I’ve said this before, relying solely on the element of one couple (whether it is a popular pairing or taboo) is fundamentally flawed. People will like it, but only because they cannot see past the two names that are romantically involved. The media will be distorted by the observer's fantasies. Through those fantasies, the reality is forgotten and misjudged. This misleads the rest of the world into believing that it is good media, thus propagating this false sense of accomplishment after viewing because of its relation to social critiques.

Dasolution stories: Those HoMO's and others.

Initial comments: Normally I would ignore such hateful material, but today, I have the spare time.  Highly prejudice material against homosexuals.

Introduction: Freedom of expression comes in many forms, not all of which are agreeable. However, I firmly believe that Dasolution can express whatever the hell he/she wants. Likewise, I am allowed to comment however I want as well.

Observation.

Dasolution claims to be male, supposedly forty-five years old, has issues with anger and fixates on lesbians. His self inserts always contain some sort of violence against female characters who many fans view as homosexual.

The violence is actually quite disturbing. It’s not the violence itself per say, but the type that degrades his cartoon victims. Essentially, Dasolution needs to be violent to exhibit control. He needs to dominate his victims both physically and mentally. It makes him either a budding rapist or a girl with a serious case of penis envy.  

I’ve also found it interesting that his fiction contains no form of non-consensual intercourse. Rape is a form of violence where the perpetrator exhibits control over his/her victims by violating someone’s body. It is about dominance and violence, both of which are apparent in all Dasolution’s fanfics.

The very idea of homosexuals angers him. It also seems to serve are a type of masturbatory material. His fixation on lesbians and BDSM paraphernalia speaks volumes about his true fantasies. While there is no blatant sex, the author violates his victims in other ways. First he verbally asserts his dominance. He beats them while listing out their so-called offenses and forces them into submission. Then he tells them there is no way they’ll be saved by associated celebrities or organizations. Finally he kills them as the ultimate act of control where he, not the character, is a god who holds power over life and death.

He concentrates on character traits that are really only known in the fan community. It’s curious why a blatant homophobe knows so much about lesbian fanfiction.

From his first chapter of Those HoMO's

“’This is for having an annoying accent, CRACK!’”

Well, while it is a blatant accent, it’s hard to notice if you’re not a native speaker.

“’And this is for eating Nasty Suki’s sushi, CRACK! CRACK!’”

I really have no idea what this refers too.

“’And this is for your BDSM shit, CRACK! CRACK!’”

Oddly, Dasolution has a strange aversion to BDSM. I claim that is odd given the extreme violence in his fanfiction. One wonders if he secretly wants to sexually practice bondage, probably as the dominant partner.

“’And this is for being a tea-drinking, spoiled, psychopathic, possessive, dirty dyke, CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!’”

Again, this shows how much he pays attention to lesbian fanfiction. Shizuru’s tea drinking in the show is hardly out of the ordinary for Japan. The possessive and psychopathic qualities are only really elaborated in the fanfiction world.  

“‘And this is for saying ‘ara’ too damn much! It’s mother fucking annoying you bitch-ass dyke! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!’”

She says “ara” approximately three times through the 26 episodes. The phrase is simply exaggerated in fanfiction. Why does he actively read lesbian fiction?  

“Then it was Natsuki’s turn. She couldn’t get up so I still hit her while she was lying on the floor.”

Yes, more violence. He obviously has serious anger management issues. It’s no longer at a stage of pure homophobia. A normal homophobe would simply recoil in disgust when presented with homosexual media, but this man is actively seeking out fictional lesbians.

“’This is for thinking you’re a tough 80s rebel bitch you baka, CRACK!’”

Again, Natsuki has never been presented as a “tough 80’s rebel” in the anime or manga. Those conclusions were made solely by authors.  

Far more men are openly gay than women, yet he is disgusted by the women so much more. There is much more media containing homosexual men than women and sodomy is more taboo in most cultures as well.

“I went upstairs into one of the rooms and what I saw was rather disturbing. The room had lots of lesbian erotic photos and DVDs scattered everywhere. Now I see why she wanted to be a nun, she wanted to get some! Everybody knew that she was a dyke; she wasn’t fooling anybody, least of all Natsuki. Also everybody knows that if a dyke really wanted to get some pussy then being a nun is the best option, even better than being a nurse because basically everybody knows they’re fucking each other.”

This concentration on the catholic practice is somewhat revealing. This person doesn’t seem to be of the Christian religion so it isn’t for religious values he hates homoeroticism.

This man is a sadist. He enjoys violence against others, namely women. He views homosexuals not as people, but mistakes of nature. His stories have become more violent with time. Eventually he ended up with the signature of branding slander on his victim’s foreheads. He’s racist, maybe he doesn’t think so, but he is. I’m not sure if he’s black or white, but there is no ethnic requirement for being a racist. My thoughts are that this man is a murderer/rapist in the making. I fear for the woman he may consider as a partner. His need of control indicates that he would likely be physically violent towards his wife or girlfriend. One day fictional characters won’t cut it anymore and he’ll explode on some poor unsuspecting individual that he will demonize in his mind.

 He needs to address the fundamental issues of his fears and anxieties. Why, I wonder, does he fixate on lesbians? It’s obvious that lesbians disturb him, probably because they don’t require men to have sexual satisfaction.  Could it be that Dasolution is in fact a closeted lesbian woman instead of a man? Perhaps a childhood trauma or familial issues pushed the button. It may be some form of Freudian castration anxiety. Who knows? At some point in his life he probably suffered a traumatizing emasculation at the hands of homosexual women or something similar. It doesn't matter though. Here on the net he can relish in anonymity, falsehood, hate and apathy.

“I never said any of that. I was going to tell you that my mom say that I could stay until the end of the school year, but I can see you want to me to leave your life for good now,” TK said and left.

I was so mad at myself for saying all I just say. How could I say that to him? He most likely hates me now. I had tries in my eyes when I realized what I had done. I had to tell someone about this but whom. Yolei would just not see the whole story. Cody I am that close to. Davis is Davis. Ken would tell Yolei ands side with TK. Tai would beat TK up. Mimi with Joe at all time of the day Joe is not studying. Matt is TK brother. Sora would not tell Tai, and she would give the best advice. So I give Sora a call"

So after all this dialogue through the chapter, this is the "sad argument" between the two? Overreactions on both sides, and it wasn't particularly saddening at all. Probably because the characters weren't developed enough. Regardless of how familiar we are with the Anime, a an original story cannot rely on existing characters alone.

Maybe if she said something like, "Fine, abandon us! You can just go find new happy friends and another slutty girlfriend. The sex wasn't that good anyway!" 

Where Takeru responds, "Alright, I was going to ask to stay, but since you don't want me here, I'll just go! I'll find some girl who appreciates my skills." 

Bah, whatever, I'm tired and this is boring. Minor spelling and grammar mistakes, long boring dialogue and no plot.

2/10 At least most of it was spelled correctly.

• Kannazuki no Miko's Fairy Tale Variation: The Little Mermaid by Tsuyazakura Kouyuki

• Sailor Moon's Home by aprileagle

• Mai Hime's Inter Nos by ethnewinter

• Lucky Star's Level Up! Love! by weluvgirlswithglasses

Once again, I return to review yet another story, probably because I need a break from reading Sandman from Neil Gaiman.

Note: I don't do this to put down authors or their work. I do it, because I'm bored and I feel it’s therapeutic to have some humor in life.

Today we have Hikari's Big Problem by Takari's eternal love

Given Summary: You will have to read to find out..Sorry.But it's a Takari!YAY!

First Impression: Let's see, the summary just tells us it's a Takari. Since the storyline is probably an original, the fact that is Takari is irrelevant save for the fact that it may attract a few readers who simply like to think about the two particular characters are together. Just relying on those characters to support a story is pretty lame, but hey, I don't know what the story is yet, so it may be good or bad. Still, the lack of a real summary gives me the impression that the author doesn't know how to properly summarize her own fanfic. Yes, I do assume it's a female author because most fanfic authors I've encountered are female, if I'm wrong, so be it.

First chapter: Briefly skimming it, I noticed that everything was essentially blocked into large paragraphs; if there is any dialogue, it's not properly communicated.

"7:15 Friday Morning at Takaishi apartment Brrriiiing...Brrriiiing...Takeru had woken up to the lound sound of his alarm clock waking him up to the last day of Junior year."

Our first line and we get half a sentence that describes a location, sound effects and our hero TK waking up twice. I prefer it when people set the place in a different line. Sure, she doesn't need to do it, but "7:15 Friday Morning at Takaishi apartment" is not a sentence. Well, neither is the rest of it really; if it is, then it is really, unbelievably awkward. Just try to read it out loud. I don't even bother to criticize typos; everyone does it from time to time.

"He and Hikari had been dating for 3 years and Takeru loved her even more with each passing day."

If only real people were that romantic.

"Davis still tries to pursue Hikari every single day, but Takeru just laughs at him because he knows Hikari would never leave him."

Poor Davis, some people really do enjoy bashing him. He's not a bad guy.
Hold on a second, I thought she was using Japanese names?

"Takeru had gotten taller since we last remembered and alot handsomer.He became captain of the basketball team and now football team(not soccor if you get confused) in his sopomore year in high school."

Considering that he was thirteen when he appeared in the show, I would assume that he has gotten taller. It'd be sad if he didn't.
"A lot" is two separate words. Yes, it is confusing when people talk fast, but on paper/screen, it is still two separate words.
Dear Lord, get some sort of spell check. Microsoft Word is not the only program; there is Openoffice.org (or other options at techsupportalert.com). I'm suggesting free programs people! Available online today! BUY NOW... uh, I mean you don't have to pay money, so that makes it "Download Now" doesn't it?

"Takeru also has gotten alot buffer now but still skinny, him and Davis was always in compitition over who has the best body(so far Takeru is winning)."

"Buffer" makes me think of that machine that waxes tiled floors. I wonder how much a Takeru Floor Buffer would cost and if it would be effective? I suppose being skinny means that it is durable.
On another note, don't switch between past tense and present tense in the same sentence. It's good to have consistent verb tense. A good way to correct yourself is to read it out loud. If it sounds funny, then it's probably wrong. If you're not a native speaker, then have someone else beta the story.

"Today she had wore a light pink skirt that goes to her thighs and a white and pink sleeveless shirt.And her brown hair now came past her shoulder because she decided to let it grow."

I wonder where the thighs end and the hips begin, because according to this, her skirt would probably look very much like panties. There are probably a dozen ways to rephrase this sentence to make it less awkward. For example, "She had a light pink skirt, a white and pink sleeveless shirt, and long brown hair that went past her shoulders." Another sentence could be added to clarify the purpose of having long hair, "She decided to let it grow over the last few years."

"'Takeru..I..I..don't know what to say.It just happened,' she said as she looked up with tears in her eyes.'Oh no did she cheat on me' he asked himself afraid of what she might say."

Wait, what? Talk about a trusting boyfriend. The first thing he thinks of is whether or not the girl cheated. I, personally, would just think, "Shit, she's pregnant."
Oh, and I was wrong about the dialogue thing; the author does start new paragraphs. Well done, you're somewhat there...maybe.

"With that Takeru and Hikari kissed each other with passion still having that spark that every relationship lacked."

Tacky, but very romantic.

"Hikari always complained that her and Takeru only had Health, P.E, and lunch together, sometimes the didn't have lunch together because the coach had them going over plays sometimes."

The more I read this the more I feel that the author is in Junior High. Now I feel somewhat bad for criticizing her. Well, it's not as if I think her story is bad; just one that I happen to choose.
Alas, I apologize now if I've offended you dear author, do understand that I'm not doing this out of spite, hatred, or envy. I'm not here to bully you, or even to make you "improve". This is purely for entertainment and I hope you find it funny as well.

"'Hey Teeks,whats got you thinking hard?' she asked while taking her book out."

Hmm, "Teeks" is an excellent nickname.

Moving on, Hikari tells her group of friends that she is pregnant. Yolei, Davis and Cody all act in a surprising calm manner; they give her back rubs and everything. The short moment is interrupted when the evil character Rema shouts at the top of her lungs in shock and reveals to the whole school that Hikari is pregnant. Then Rema calls her a slut.

"hen they saw Takeru's leg go out in the isle while someone was walking and next thing you know the whole plate of food went flying through the air and landed on Rema's head."

Yeah, that'll make them totally forget that Hikari is pregnant. It seems a bit unsatisfactory in terms of revenge. It would have been funnier if she was found naked under the stadium benches sucking off the school janitor, but hey, that's just my personal opinion.

"Yolie and Hikari were walking to their lockers talking about the baby while going through a sea of students.'You and TK are gonna have such a cute baby,' Yolie said in an aww.'Well while you think about that I have to figure out what i'ma tell my parents,' Hikari said to herself while in deep thought."And if its a girl you can name her Yolie,' Yolie continued while putting in the combination to her locker. 'In your dreams Yolie,'Hikari replied while smiling at Yolie's comment.'Well, it was an input to a list of names,' said Yolie.'So are you goin' to tell me how you got pregnent?'Yolie asked with curiosity.'You know how I got pregnent Yolie,'Kari replied to her friends dumb question.'Duh Kari I know how you got pregnent, i'm not an idiot like Davis, I was like sayin when?and I want details,' said Yolie while closing her locker shut.'Well if you must know it was the night at Matt and Tai's party..."

I take it back; I wasn't wrong about the blocked dialogue.
I've never tried to imagine what kind of children Takeru and Hikari would have together. They would probably have brown eyes, and brown hair since both blonde hair and blue eyes are recessive genes. Of course, Hikari could always be a carrier so maybe blonde hair and blue eyes isn't too unrealistic.
I wonder why Yolei is only concerned about baby names; she never struck me as such a flaky person to forget about all the other issues that came along with a baby. First and foremost, why isn't she requesting to be Godmother or something?

"Hikari laid back while Takeru laid on top of her and started kissing her neck and up to her lips.Hikari started pulling off Takeru's shirt as well as hers.Then Takeru reached over the bed and turned of the lamp.After about 20 minutes Hikari and Takeru walked out the bedroom smiling hand in hand. Takeru had went back to his friends while Hikari went back to her group of friends..."

That is one of the more interesting sex scenes I've read. It somewhat reminds me of The Sims and how they "Woo Hoo", except without the barking noises and blurry screen. Actually, it is more reflective of how the hero from Fable: the Lost Chronicles does it.
Poor Matt, I wonder if he knew Takeru and Hikari were screwing in his bed.

The rest of chapter one is pretty generic, some talk here and there. Finally, Hikari confesses her secret to the family.

End Chapter 1

Second Chapter: To quote Delirium from The Sandman, "Whee!"

Takari's eternal Love double spaces this chapter, probably because many of the reviews said something about it being difficult to read in the first chapter. The paragraphs are better formed and dialogue seems to have improved.

Beth, Hikari's mother, reacts badly to the news.

"'Love! Hikari you are 17 years old! You don't know what love is and the baby was just conceived in lust!' Beth yelled back to Hikari."

Damn right! Oh wait, this is a romance story. Of course the child was conceived with pure love.

"'Don't you dare compare me and your fathers buisness with your damn BASTERD child!,' Beth yelled angrily as she got up out her chair.

Shit, and here I thought the author had begun using spell check.
That is one angry and very rude mother.

"Hikari had gotten up and went over to her dresser and pulled out some clothes and grabbed her suitcase.'But where am I going to go?' she thought to herself."

Well, she decided to run away rather quickly. Tsk tsk, such a rash child, I wonder if this baby will be okay with her as a mother. Alas, there must be a storyline.

End Chapter 2

Third Chapter: Generic, looks like the author is finally using Spell Check.

"'I had to leave Yolie, me and my mom had a fight and I just don't want to be there,' Hikari said with tears filled in her eyes."

Mom was certainly rude, but in an understandable way.
I wonder if I'm supposed to feel bad for Hikari at this point in the story. Right now I don't. I feel as if Hikari is probably the dumbest girl alive and rather selfish.

"'Not available,' Yolie said ,'and if you want her number it's 586 her boyfriends gonna kick your ass, do you need to write that down?'"

Apparently, her brothers are assholes with lame English names. Do they really live in Japan?
If you take "her boyfriends gonna kick your ass" as an acrynym (hbgkya) then translate that to numbers on the phone, it would be 424592.

"'Thanks Yolie, I don't know what I would do without you,' Hikari said getting up off the bed and helped Yolie with the mattress."

What would she do indeed? She probably would have run away from that controlling mother years ago, become a crack whore on the streets of Tokyo, and died at the age of sixteen from a rape homicide instigated by her pimp for holding out on him. Though, more realistically, she would probably seek out some other person's place for refuge.

"'I don't know myself Kari and you can thank me by making me the God-mother,' Yolie said cheerfully while smiling at Hikari."

Who else would be Godmother, Gatomon? Now the issue is who is going to be Godfather, Ken or Cody?

Afterward there is girl talk about relationships, the baby and butterflies. Kari arranges a meeting with her brother at the park.
Takeru tells his mother that Hikari is pregnant and she is very supportive.

End Chapter 3

I'm done for today. It takes like forty-five minutes to review each chapter so I'm kind of tired now.

Anyway, briefly going through the rest of the story there are few comments I can make. It would be nice to have more three-dimensional antagonists. There is only so much you can do with a stuck-up bitch that has no redeeming qualities. The grammar and spelling have drastically improved since chapter one, though I could live without the constant slang.

5 out of 10 stars

I can do more on this story upon request, but I doubt that anyone wants to read more of my crappy rant.

Once again I have returned to entertain myself with a fanfic. Not like anyone bothers to read this journal anyway.

Note: I don't do this to put down authors or their work. I do it, because I'm bored and I feel it’s therapeutic to have some humor in life.

Today we present the fanfic You are the Music by Duran0800.

Purpose for reading: I was in a good mood so thought a few jokes would make my day.

Given Summary: Natsuki Kuga is a music student at Fukka Academy. There she slowly starts to trust again through the friends she makes. And will deeper feelings start to grow between her and the Shizuru Fujino. –Shiznat- AU

First Impression: Great start, its awkward sounding, but gives us a great idea of what to expect. Have you tried to pronounce "Fukka" (Fŭk-kă) in real life? I think you should give it a try in front of a crowd of conservative Mormons, and see their reactions.
I know for sure this girl is a young writer. I assume it’s a girl, because the majority of fanfiction writers are; there really is no point in using "he" if it is usually a "she". Anyway, she states she's fourteen-years-old in her biography. Still, she seems to be a decent writer for her age. It's not like I was expecting something on the level of Pride and Prejudice or a Shakespearean sonnet (Hell, I can't do that shit, why should I expect anyone else to).

First Chapter: It's decent enough to keep me reading to the next chapter. Mainly grammar errors here and there, nothing huge. I feel that this story is going to be developed well and our author will improve her writing skills with time and experience.

"A light breeze swept through the grounds of Fukka Academy. Fukka Academy is a large music academy and extremely hard to get accepted to. They only take the top five percent of all the musical auditions that they receive. The breeze carries the light notes of an acoustic guitar into the air. Producing these sweet notes was a girl. The girl had long flowing blue hair. Her back was pressed up against her Ducati 999R, eyes closed absorbing the sound. Suddenly a bell rang, causing the girls eyes to snap open reveling deep emerald eyes."

Please stop misspelling Fuuka. I thought this was a little awkward, after two sentences about Fuuka; she suddenly jumps back to describing the breeze. It's like if I decided to rant on and on about beer then suddenly mention that lemons were good in pie.

I thought, "...eyes closed absorbing the sound." was an excellent description, made me really feel the imaginary music. There really is no need for all those short sentences; they make the story sound a bit choppy.

"Why on earth do they have to make the god damn building lay out so confusing!? I’m going to be late. As if I care though, being late means less time stuck here in these boring classes. The only reason I go here is to put that scholarship money to good use…"

Natsuki decides to muse to herself; perhaps her time would be better used at reading a campus map. Apparently she's super talented to get scholarship money from a school that only accepts the top 5% of applicants. Damn I wish my school were so generous.

"Yeah right you’ve got the musical talent of an elephant, and you’ve probably been pulling that I’m seventeen crap for forty years!"

Come now, didn't she state that the teacher was young looking? Oh well, don't mock elephants, they have quite a bit of musical talent. If I had to guess, Midori would go great with a sousaphone.

"'No, not that. It looks really neat. I can’t read music.' Nastuki stated simply."

Wait, what? She knew about transposing music and everything. If she can't read music how did she end up in a music school at all anyway? I guess she utterly failed in the sight reading portion of the entrance exam. I do know there are talented people out there who can't read a lick of music, but for sure they either learn at one point in time or probably never enter a musical school if they never learn.

"'Yes! That’s crazy! You’re crazy! Crazy good!' Mai said in awe."

No it's not, more like miraculously bad with amazing luck.

"Natsuki scoffed. 'I could be better though, lots of things to work on.'"

Yeah, like learning to read music.

End chapter 1 comments

Second Chapter: It's a good chapter. The only problems seem to arise from using the wrong words.

"Natsuki screamed and sat blot up right in bed. Another nightmare. About that night. Natsuki was covered in a thick layer of sweet."

I'm glad Natsuki is so tasty after waking from a nightmare; I'm sure Shizuru would encourage such behavior from now on. "Another nightmare. About that night" are not sentences.

"The car plummeted into the icy cold water and claimed the lives of her mother and her dog."

Aww, not the doggy too!

"She became withdrawn from people and was scarred of them."

That’s funny, she doesn't seem too scared of people, more like spiteful.

"It explained where her mother had been born and her high school status. Her mother had been a successful scientist for a company called the First District. Natsuki read on. The bio contained information about her mother’s successful experiments and then ended. Natsuki sighed it was the end of file....
Natsuki didn’t understand all the numbers and big words but she did understand the EIGHT words that broke her trust to all other humans. Test subject Kuga, Natsuki. Test Results Inconclusive. Kuga, Natsuki must be taken to the high quarantine First District Laboratories in Tokyo, Japan by August 5th 1996."

Wait, she didn't understand large words yet understood "Inconclusive" and "quarantine"? Why the hell would this stuff be in her mother's biography anyway? No one records illegal activities such as experimenting on a child in a public file, that's just dumb.

"She promised to never trust another human being again."

Well, she sure wasn't dedicated since Mai only had to talk for two paragraphs to convince her otherwise.

End chapter 2 comments

Third Chapter: I like Nao.

We start out with Natsuki nearly running over Nao which starts an argument.

"'You even hurt me? Good one you blue haired wolf pup!' The girl [Nao] spat back."

Blue-haired wolf-pup huh? Wow Nao is descriptive when she talks. Imagine her pillow talk with Reito, "That was awesome you deeply disturbed, dark haired, metrosexual, and possibly incestuous man."

"'You’re a loner are you not?' The red head shot Natsuki a wicked grin."

Amazing, she got that from five lines of conversation, talk about perceptive.

"She ate in relative peace and enjoyed her mayo sandwich."

Everyone always emphasizes her obsession with mayo. It reminds me of my best friend’s obsession with chocolate. She likes to put it in her pancakes, or more accurately, she likes to have pancake covered chocolate.

"When she got there the building lay out was just as confusing as the schools to Natsuki and she easily got lost."

It's actually pretty hard to get lost in a building, unless, of course, Natsuki is a female version of Ryoga from Ranma 1/2.

"'No, only one person groans like that. It’s my dorm pattern. Mikoto.' Mai replied. A first year girl with spiky black hair entered the room."

Hmm, I'm trying to imagine Mikoto as some sort of wallpaper pattern; thus far I've come up with kitties and balloons.

"She still kept people she didn’t know at a very cold distance."

Yes there is a huge bridge of ice between her and anyone she didn't know.

"Soon the summer weather left the season turning in to fall. Maybe would hit Natsuki Kuga in ways she never expected."

Autumn and Natsuki had a smack down and Fall came out on top!

End Chapter 3 comments

Fourth Chapter: We're introduced to Shizuru and here comes the Shiznat for fans who need their fix. For the most part this chapter is filled with amazing descriptions.

"Causing the trees to burst out bright oranges and reds, as the tress prepared them self’s for the coming winter. "

Not a complete sentence, but an excellent details nonetheless. One more thing, "themselves" is one word. Apparently it is a vulgar form of English, but if you must use it, spell it correctly. Maybe it's different between countries...

"Natsuki reached the top of the ladder and hauled her self and her guitar case on to the roof."

Next time she should haul up a thirty soda cans and mayonnaise, it'd be the perfect picnic.

"Some how Natsuki was intrigued by the girl and her normal tone and displacement towards other people was replaced by only politeness."

That's awesome, next time I don't like someone I'll just displace myself to New York.

"And that she and Shizuru had played some pretty damn good music today."

Good music today, marriage tomorrow and children the day after, damn that Kuga moves fast.